โ I Made Sure It Had Nothing Whatsoever To Do With Hong Kong: A Confession
โ The Ballad of Billy Lopez: An Excerpt
Stewart McKay, The Ballad of Billy Lopez, Proverse Publishing, 2024. 208 pgs.
So Iโm walking down the middle of the road minding my own goddamn business hands in pockets bit of a swagger I don fuckin give a shit bout the car horns go on honk buddy I know you ainโt gon run me over pussy.
Doc Michael told me to write in this here diary and first I was gonna slap him cross the face with it cos I ainโt writin diaries but then Doc says donโt mind bout periods and all that shit an he really says shit cos Docs a cool sonofabitch who can say words like shit in school without getting a detention. So I can write like I think and not care bout how some stuck up bitch like Miss Devine gon give me a F โ thatโs why I donโt go to your class Miss Devineโand only write a period if I want to like I just did back then an like Iโm gonna do now.
Car horns still honk honk honking but Iโll move when Iโm ready Mr Letmeseewhatkindacaryoudriveโha Alfa Romeo bitch Iโm just gon keep walking till you donโt sound that horn for five secondsโฆ oneโฆ twoโฆ don sound that horn nowโฆ threeโฆ fourโฆ I mean it you flashy fuckโฆ fiveโฆ OK, you may pass. I stand on the sidewalk an give Mr Alfa Romeo the finger and he says something I canโt get cos I ainโt no goddamn lipreader and drives right on thatโs right buddy jus keep on goin you ainโt gon stop to kick a sixteen year oldโs ass are you not that you could.
I hear the school bell ringin an decide that today Iโll only be ten minutes late cos first period is soccer an I feel like kickin some fuckin legs. Tomorrows history Iโll give that a miss but day after thatโs English an Iโll see how I feel bout Miss Devine bitch bitch bitchin in my ear probably Iโll give it a wide fuckin skip but thereโs always a chance she might have on that low low top showin off her tits. Fridayโs math and I always go on time cos Iโm good at math one of the best in the class tho ol Whittaker hates to admit it. I bet none of the numbnuts in 10C think Brad Hart knows his timetable but theyโre the dumbasses cos I know it without lookin.
Doc asked me one time if I enjoyed bein late for school like does it give me a thrill or some shit and I said no only losers are early for class ainโt they an he didnโt laugh which was kinda weird cos normally the Doc laughs at things I say even when I don mean to be funny.
Now Iโm passin ol Lorettasโ candy store an make sure I stand in the window long enough for her to see me an make a face like a slapped ass cos last week she told me to empty my pockets an show what Iโd been thievin so I did an showed her nothin but my wallet n smokes and her face was a right fuckin picture it felt so good specially with the pack of Frutees stuck down my ass crack. Thatโs right Loretta you ol whore everyone knows you suck twelfth grade dick as a grad present donโt worry I ainโt comin in not today anyway.
Itโs goddamn sunny an Iโm sweatin like pa when my ma locks the liquor cabinet so I chuck my jacket roun my neck an roll my T up to the shoulders strollin down the hill. 10Cs already out on the field stretchin an Miss C says something like nice of you to join us Bradley thereโs a spare uniform on the bench sheโs alright Miss C really cos she just leaves me alone not like all the other pain-in-the-ass teachers at this shitty school. Also it was her idea to have spare shorts and crap so guys like me could always play cos before I jus sat an kept score or had to play in my fuckin underwear if pervy Johnson was teachin us.
I get changed an check my hair an walk back out with a big swagger and see Jay Johnson doin some dickhead high fivinโloserโan Steven Deans swingin his waist round real weird like heโs fuckin the mornin airโloserโan Billy Lopez reachin down touchin his toes his dumbass floppy hair goin in his eyes. Biggest loser of all.
Damn its easy to write like this when its just all the stupid shit you did an saw spillin out. But fuck I jus heard pa comin in an there ainโt no way I want him seein all this. In fact I don want anyone seein this even Doc says he donโt needa see it I just gotta write it down every damn night like thatโs gonna happen but Iโll try. Write bout everythin he saidโthatโs why I just wrote all that crap bout walkin to schoolโbut then I got all suspicious an said for the billionth time I don need any fuckin help from him or from a goddamn diary an he smiled that way that pisses me off sometimes like Iโm a dumbass kid and he knows every fuckin thing ever. Well Docโwould a little kid be doin what Iโll be doin later? No? I didnโt think so. Tonights a Tuesday an I donโt think many folksโll be out but damn thatโs pa comin up now to see why I ainโt eatin the shit that maโs slaved over the microwave all day to make. Where the fuck to hide a goddam diary tho?
How to cite:ย McKay, Stewart. โThe Ballad of Billy Lopez: An Excerpt.โย Cha: An Asian Literary Journal, 16 Mar. 2025,ย ย chajournal.blog/2025/03/16/ballad-excerpt.
Stewart McKay is a British-born writer based in Hong Kong. He graduated from the University of Stirling in 2007 with an honours degree in English Literature and History. After living in Thailand, he moved to Hong Kong in 2012, working as an ESL teacher, tutor, and examiner. An active member of the Hong Kong Writers Circle, he has contributed to several of their anthologies and edited HK24 (2017) and Lost in Transition (2023). His flash fiction and short stories have appeared in Grindstone Literary, Raconteur, Fiction Factory, and Free Flash Fiction, with several pieces shortlisted for literary prizes. His debut novel, The Ballad of Billy Lopez, was a finalist for the 2023 Proverse Prize. McKayโs fiction explores the complexities of human natureโits desires, contradictions, and failings. While he believes literature should interrogate the human condition, he insists it must also entertain. A dark seam of humour often runs through his work, which spans sexuality, aging, speculative futures, and post-apocalyptic nightmares. [All contributions by Stewart McKay.]